I feel like I am not a part of the family any more . My uncle died a few days back and noone told me . They didn't even call . Gave me some pathetic excuse about the strike and how I couldn't have made it . My other uncle lives here in Islamabad ... he and my cousins went . I could have gone with them . But of course not ... why would I wanna go . After all I am the only one married outside the family and now these people own me . I can't even attend my uncle's funeral . They never take me, invite me to the weddings and now even the deaths ? I am afraid if my parents die they won't tell me because why should I bother ? I hate them all .

Plus, phoned hubbie thinking it would be a good idea if he was around at such a time considering my history of depression and all but he had to take a friend out to dinner who had come from England the day before .

My faith was reaffirmed ... there is nothing like a good friend . Again when family disappoints me and leaves me alone it's a friend who steps forward, probably drops everything he has to do and spends hours talking to this pathetic excuse for a freak. Families SUCK and friends ROCK ... :(

Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day ... :D

Mughlai Pathans ... and ... Damn I Missed It

Heard the funniest thing the other day . A colleague in school claimed to be a Mughlai pathan from the race of Mehmood Ghaznavi ... LOLOLOLOLOL ... ROFL . I was like errr ... all mughals came from the Middle East ... plus Ghaznavi as in Ghazni as in that province in Afghanistan ... see the connection ? But of course she didn't . So many punjabis I meet tell me they are Kakazai pathans and I am liek if you are pathans then how are you punjabis as well ??? Oh puhlease freaks out there ... you know I am not i am not this punjabi vs. pathan vs. sindhi blah blah . I am just trying to tell you how people can be so silly and weird in some ways too . Then also notice how more than half of Pakistani population is either a syed or a Mian ... I mean we have more arabs in our country then Arab itself ... lol .

Oh yeah ... did I tell you guys what son did ? had been waiting for his nose to dry up as usual but before I could have myself a treat he came to me while I was checking my copies in complete ecstasy holding up his finger ... and what do I see .... ? Yes dahlin's yes ... it was a big huge juicy yummy somewhat greenish somewhat blackish BOOGERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ... I am so proud of him . He has taken after me in so mnay ways . Only regret is I didn't get my hand on "it" first . Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha . Go puke now everybody .... :D

I feel Like S***

yep I do ... that's the effect a trip to inlaws always has on me . Every time I go I tell myself I won't let anything anyone says to me trouble me or bring me down but then I fail soooo miserably . There is a limit to what a person can hear against one's self and ignore . Was happy for the weekend ... looking forward to it all "week" ... hoping to sleep and EAT proper food instead of the usual . How stupid of me . Sis-in-law's 4 kids were there that I adore and get alonmg with very well but this time they drove me nuts . I had a room upstairs but I shifted down after my father-in-law gave a room upstairs to them . Now the scenario is that they stay up till quarter past midnight every night watching tv and screaming and shouting and everything that kids their age do (eldest is 14, youngest are (twins) 8) . So there was no sleep for me or son . Then last night mother-in-law and her decide to talk loud enough for their voices to reach me and bitch about me . Ufffffffffffffffff ... I know I am not perfect ... far from it ... but then I have good points oo like all normal people . I have made some mistakes but then a few mistakes can wipe out all the good things that you do ???

I can go on for ever but don't want to . All I know is that if it weren't for my son or maybe my medication I would be long gone ... I am sick of fighting ... fighting for the most ridiculous things . I want a normal life . Hubbie says I am stupid, dumb, silly, mean etc . He says I don't make mistakes I do things deliberately because then otherwise how can I do things so well in school . I thought about that ... the reason is maybe that those people are just colleagues and don't expect anything from me (atleast not yet) ... they are not so quick to judge what kind of person I am . I have shades of grey ... lots and lots of grey ... but then on the brighter side ... it's black mixed with WHITE that gives you grey, isn't it ? Not making any sense ? I know ... I just confused myself as well . Hubbie also says my mother also talks behind my back ... I was like HELLOOOOOOO ... ?!?! She says nothing "behind my back" that she can't say to my face ... plus she is my MOTHER ! I am going nuts .

Weddings Season

Every year between December and March it's the wedding season in Pakistan . Summers are too hot to have any weddings in . I don't like going to weddings ... the music is always too loud, the halls are crowded and the stampede at dinner time is the icing on the cake . But sometimes it's hard to avoid . Recently I been to one engagement and one dholki (a dholki is a small party at either the girl's or the boy's house in which the girls and boys "choreograph" dances for the main event) . The former I had to attend 'cause my inlaws had just come back from hajj and mom-in-law was too sick to go so I had to represent her . Usually weddings are segragated functions here but this was a mixed gathering . Gosh, the clothes some of the girls were wearing made me wanna look up and down and anywhere except at them . Same goes for the latter ... this was my best friend's pre-wedding party . Lots of fun till they started playing the music ... don't know why it has to be so ear-shattering loud . She told me to be there by 7pm, I arrived at 8 thinking I was fashionably late BUT .... of course not . People started coming at around 9pm and by the time I was ready to leave at 10pm they were still arriving . My wedding now had a very fauji style timing ... everything happenned on time . It was kinda sad to think she would be getting married and leaving her house and getting herself into all this marri8age s*** . Hope things are fairy-tale petrfect for her ... Amen . She will be going to live in America somewhere near Boston . I'll miss her soooo much ... :((

Que Sera Sera asked me to write about Islamabad . There is nothing much to write about it yara except that new boutiques are springing up everywhere and reminding me how poor I am ... boo hoo ... not to forget how FAT and CONSERVATIVE I am . The clothes are becoming shorter, sheerer and expensive-r . The coolest place to hang-out these days would be that shopping place in Jinnah Super near Afghan Bakers ... someone help me with the name here ?? Mondrian is a fun place and so is One Potato Two Potato ... but my fav. is Espresso Lounge . It's really kewl . everywhere you go you will see people selling red, heart-shaped balloons (Valentine's day remember ?), huge teddy bears are displayed in all shop windows that make me loathe myself for never having a rich-boyfriend or a sensitive, lovey-dovey hubbie (plus RICH) ... hehehehe . That's all for now folks ...... :D

I hate Maggie noodles

I swear i do . Past couple of weeks or maybe even more ... seems like a gazillion weeks to me ... I have been eating nothing but these plus eggs in every possible style, fried, scrambled, boiled, omelette, french toasts ... you name it . I have yet to get my servant back . I am gonna make cauliflower again today for hubbie . I hate it myself and would never as much as taste it . I don'tlike food cooked by anyone other than my mother . Well my mother doesn't really cook herself but she has trained her cook well and he makes everything according to our (my) taste . That means almost everything is fried up and all vegetable is cooked and mashed till you can't tell what you are eating ... :D hehehe . Oh yeah gonna try adding chicken cube to the cauliflower as suggested by drpak last time . Let's see what happens .

Went to Gelatto Affair with my nieces and nephews ... infact they went with me . Had a Peach Melba and a cold coffee ... yummmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyy . My cousin says I and my son can go with her to U.S. of A. in summers . I am trying not to get my hopes up too high 'cause chances are I won't get a visa but still that would be AWESOME ! One of my friends tried for a visa and everything went well but in the end the guy says you are too beautiful ... I can't give you a visa ... also what guarantee can you give me you won't get involved in terrorist activities there . She had her 5 years old son with her and was like ... do I look like I am a terrorist ? I told her you should have told him ... you are having terrorist attacks 'cause of this reason ... you are giving visas to the wrong people and denying it to the right one's ... so much for your intelligence agencies . Anyways, it's a long shot . I don't even have a passport or even a marriage certificate ... :D

So wish me luck people ... I need a li'l bit oif it in my life . Ughhhh ... everytime I promise myself I would never say THAT ... I say IT . Allah is so merciful to me yet I go on whining . AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ...........

This & That

Here are a few lines I would like to dedicate to the youth of our nation :

Rise like lions after slumber
In unvanquishable number;
Shake your chains to earth like dew
Which in sleep had fallen on you -
Ye are many, they are few .
The Mask of Anarchy by Shelley (again)

The topic in staffroom was "If America invades Iran it will use Pakistani Military bases . If Pakistan doesn't allow them will America not invade us" . Pretty long topic huh ? Hehe . I kept listening to their stupid debate and finally couldn't take it any longer because I was checking a drama notebook in which the kid had come up with his own names for all the characters of Twelfth Night : Marvolio, Voila, Oilivia, Orisino, Untino .... AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH and this too after 2 weeks of teaching them and writing all spellings on the board . So anyway I just looked up from my checking and asked them : What do you think American Army helicopters are doing buzzing over our heads ... what are American soldiers doing running operations in our tribal areas without the knowledge of our government ? Damn man, people can be so dumb ... or I think they would rather be dumb then accept the truth ... we are just an American colony . Every time in the past when martial laws have been thrown over in Pakistan it's always been the youth, the college and university students who have come out onto the streets and asked for their rights . What's wrong now ? Why have we become so passive ? Why are we accepting everything so blindly ? The other day in an interview PM (for those of you who don't know what the abbreviation stands for it's Pervez Musharraf) was asked that in almost all Islamic states there was no democratic government . Could that be the reason why they had such a slow development rate ? And he says but Pakistan has a democracy, I might be in uniform but I have brough on the essence of democracy which was missing earlier . UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ... I don't wanna go on any more .

Yes, yes people I DO know a bit about politics . Duh . Now coming to more interesting things ... watched the Mask of Zorro again the other day . Ahhhhhhhhhhhh .... I LOVE ANTONIO BANDERAS . Melanie Griffith is soooo ugly . How the heck did she "get" him ???

School is fun . I hate missing even a single day . I have to give a treat for my first pay ... all teachers have to . Wondering what to take ... I don't know how to cook ... or atleast anything other than my hubbie would eat . Any suggestions people ? remember I ahve to keep up my cool gal image . I may be too poor even to afford an internet card but people must think I come from some nawab's family . :D:D

Son has started saying 1,2,3,4 and ABCD ... although he laughs his head off every time I ask him to say D ... don't get it why ? Try saying it slow and with the proper phonetics . Also noone can understand his 1 and 4 ... he says Aaannn and foeeee . Awwwww ... this is soooo cute, he just agve me a kiss ...

What's the plan for Valentines Day people ? Of course hubbie is not takeing me anywhere . last time I gave him 3 cards ... one for each year we had been together ... he read them, put them in the drawer ... went to Lahore the next day to his sweetheart and forgot them there . isn't that great ? hehehehehehe .

I and a few colleagues are planning to go to Marriott ... and no I am not telling you when ... too clever to do that ... :D Anyway, yeah so we are going for lunch soon . I can't decide what I should wear . Damn !

I WANT AN iPOD ... BOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ... :(((

Was teaching about onomatopeia today ... students couldn't stop giggling over the name . Asked them for a song that uses Repetition (for chorus) and the examples they came up with embarrassed MEEEE .... here are some of them ... AAP KI KASHISH, AASHIQUE BANAYA, JADU HAI NASHA HAI ......... YIKES ! i suggested we stick to Dil Dil Pakistan . Kids in school think I can't speak urdu because u8s teachers are not supposed to speak it infront of kids (colonial hangover) ... so they also think I am a Christian . There is one child in my class who is a Christian ... some of the things the kids say to him or about him in class are horrid . The other day I was mad at him because I kept telling everyone to take out their books but he kept on looking outside the window . So I say to him "Aren't you either a boy or a girl that's why you aren't taking out your book?" ("Boys and girls take out your books" hehe) . Another child says , "No ma'am he isn't a boy or a girl. He is a Christian". I was soooo mad . I made him apologize to him . These are things these kids learn at home . It's horrid .

Okey ta ta .

HERESSSSSSSSSSSS BEAU

*Applause, Applause* *Bow* *Waving Hand* ... ahemmmmm ... okey awright . Ah guys a long time I have been away from here . Been missing you freaks .

Before I start off my on my freakiness I have to apologize to you reza/anzarius . I didn't mean to offend you ... of course you are a pal ... only thing is I and zaksie just go a long way back ... soweeeeeeee anyway ... :D

Now coming to my favourite topic ... hubbie bashing ... :D He has found a new way of torturing me ... through my son . Last night (ahem get ready for this) I burnt baby's milk bottles ... actually I melted them . Left them to boil and forgot to take them out ... with the result there was nothing but completely melted plastic left of it . I phoned hubbie and asked him to get new one's ... he came back at half past midnight without them . Asked him to go get them but he refused ... so poor baby had to go to sleep without his milk . I almost had an episode but God took mercy . Hmmmm .... end of topic ... let's leave it here .

Am at my cousin's . She has good reason to think I am a nerd . :p haven't been blogging 'cause had no money to get credit for net . girls here is an advice for you all ... never marry a government servant !

Got my first pay ... yippppeeee ! Am borrowing earrings from my nieces ... have to keep up the impression on the little girls . hehehehehe .

Heard a joke ... here it is ...
2 men die . An angel comes to decide whether to send them to heaven or hell . He asks the first one his name ... he answers Akhlaas . Angel asks him to recite sura-e-akhlaas . He does so and is sent to heaven . Asks the second man his name . His name happens to be Yaseen ... he replies ... my name is Yaseen but my nickname is Kausar .

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL